I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
me + whiskey = a bad person
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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