We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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