Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
