Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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