how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
