did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize