they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
