How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
