I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
...so i touched it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
