Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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