I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize