yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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