Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
