I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
