Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you have to choose: penises or morals?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
