I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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