He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
