Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
