You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
