I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize