Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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