Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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