At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
vagina is talking i cant
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
