i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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