My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
