can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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