I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
