So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
