He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
well you can't waste a boner
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
