If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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