You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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