Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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