CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
