omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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