I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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