mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
