you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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