DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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