i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
