i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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