real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
