A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
