Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I CAN MOONWALK!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
