No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
