you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
