happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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