My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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