I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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