My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sobbing to NWA
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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