I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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