God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't deserve a penis
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
