i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
