her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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