Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
