i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
