Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Someone came in the potted fern
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
