It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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