The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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