you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize