All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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