Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
