haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize