Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
