I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
