i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
