He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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