Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
