Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
