i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
