she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize