How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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