I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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