God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
