P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
