you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize