Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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