Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
