I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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